A community member shares with us how they talk about consent with their partner:
I wanted to share a story of honest and open communication between me and my partner. We are both closer to 40, than 30. Therefore, have had time to exercise our respective appetites. A few months ago, I asked if they were satisfied with our sex life. I thought this is an opportunity to have an open, honest discussion about pleasure and intimacy deepening our sexual bond. However, my partner took offense at the question and began telling me that we did not need to talk about it because if they did not express anything being wrong then, I was to assume everything was good. This did not compute for me. I expressed, that that logic does not make sense to me and I would like to have a conversation, not based on assumption, but a verbal exchange. They agreed to have the conversation and what we found was that while mutual satisfaction was part of the conversation, there was some insecurity on my part which also bubbled to the surface. Finally, the discussion turned to comfort and assumption. I let my partner know that I never want to make them uncomfortable or obligated, therefore, I will never assume and always ask. They said that was not necessary and I said for me, it is very necessary. The ability to say yes or no at any time, with no hurt feelings, regret or shame is very important. I used several of the questions from the Sex Turned Up conversation guide to navigate through the conversation. Although, it was difficult to begin the conversation, having it was eye opening for both of us and the outcome of the conversation, has been extremely positive! Thank you for letting me share my story of health sex and sexuality.
